Silent prayers – answered

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October 27, 2019

Masjid Putrajaya is 342km away from Singapore. It would have taken me about 6-7 hours   with at least 3x petrol top upset reach here. This journey with the Wife was our little road trip adventures, getting away from the hectic daily lives in Singapore. Actually we were here to attend a wedding ceremony, somewhere nearby Shah Alam.

Nowadays, I am covering 300km daily on this little monster, rain or shine doing what Abah used to be doing when he was much younger then – as a despatch rider. Nowadays, he has given up his rusty Vespa for a blue Hyundai taxi.

It was a tough decision to make at first, but reality bites hard and deep into the thickest of skins. I was once a teacher, yet since 2013 I was almost without any stable monthly income. It was such a rollercoaster ride, which I was caught off guard most of the time, almost falling off the seat, almost jumping off, almost dead.

Yes, death was an option some time ago. And He would have granted my wish easily, yet I was let off with a stern warning, a tight slap on my head – I got 6 weeks worth of vertigo for that.

“HE gives you all these hardships because HE loves you,” they say.

“HE gives only to the best, because HE knows your strengths,”

“…because HE knows, you will only ask HIM for help.”

Looking around me, there has been many many examples of individuals going through worse than I am. I may not have a car, which means I do not have to face that level of financial stress. I have a my little Honda, so I shall work with it, as how I had promised myself why I had bought it in the first place – to serve me a purpose.

Recently I had a good chat with a taxi driver who was in long sleeves business shirt, driving a permanent night shift, for the past 18 years as a limousine taxi driver before switching to a normal Hyundai i40. He had successfully raised his daughters to attend Uni overseas – all with his “halal taxi money”.

“Why would anyone be shameful of (doing) this?”

“Would you upgrade yourself, someday?”

“When was it ever about upgrading or downgrading your career status? You might be better off doing a better paying job, but will you be happier, healthier for the family?

If its about managing expectations, so whose expectations do you prioritise?

You are responsible for feeding your family, not those critics out there, unless you are happily feeding them too…

You’re either shaping the world you live in, attracting the kind of people you would  welcome, or you let everything to nature without any control of the situation, which is very unfortunate for someone God gifted with a brain to think.

Everyone has a part to play in this society, in his community. Every role has a purpose, and you need to know your purpose towards your family first, then you will find yourself useful within the society, while serving your purpose.

Have faith, HE will guide you.”

Sometimes you need some stranger to tell you something you’ve already known all this while. It could be like a slap in the face kinda reminder, or something so subtle yet it warms the heart, knowing you are moving in the right direction.

Now, my silent prayers have been answered. I shall be gone with another thousand steps towards achieving my goals and purpose.

Again, thank you for believing in me.


 

2020 – We start again

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2020 – here we go again – all over again.

I would have typed this entry directly in FB, but for a longer text / content, its just not convenient enough to type it all out using the iPhone’s keyboard. I still prefer a laptop for an essay of my thoughts.

Also, Facebook is not quite the better medium for lengthy essays. No one reads that much these days anyway. Facebook has, IMHO slowly become an efficient, instant news outbreak or generally as a round the clock entertainment channel, of memes and cat videos.

I’ve skipped the entire year of 2019 – not writing / blogging. One reason was that it had started badly, very badly that I have yet to get over it by now. Slowly picking up the pieces, it gets harder now that I’m past my 30s. I mean, we can afford to make mistakes when we were younger, quickly recover and bounce back. By now we should have been wiser, not running around in circles of past mistakes anymore.

Yet that did not happen, and I have been mentally drained of any effort to keep myself motivated, or even staying alive. Just what is wrong with me…

Life is indeed forever about self-learning and knowing more about oneself than about others. Past mistakes have cost us some pride. We may want to move on yet we are still dragging along these ghosts of the past. Everyone will soon give up on us, but that constant determination of not giving up on ownself, is indeed an uphill battle. So, being tired and drained… I have chosen to distance myself and roll myself up into a little ball in a little dusty corner of a circle room.

Doesn’t work. Obviously.

Face your fears, they say. Have faith in HIM, they remind you.

So here I am.

I may have upset a few individuals around me, friends, good friends… I am just as disappointed with myself. If disappointment is like a rabbit hole, it gets deeper and darker, unless we turn around an look for the light and get out of it soon. That has been the first steps I have been doing since – determined to look for the light – because I believe there is always a way out of this, somehow someday.

Thank you, for believing in me.

Thank you for the kind words.

Thank you for your prayers.

There will be better days, because I am determined to get myself sorted out.

 

 

 

 

Thank you, Lions

Again, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I have not been to any of Lions’ recent matches since the Old Kallang Stadium was gone. Maybe there was one or two forgettable matches, but otherwise I would rather just watch it at home, or sometimes I had preferred to forget all about it.

Because it hurts to watch.

*On the way from Punggol

Tonight was different. I was determined to go. Even when the weather threatened a thunderstorm. It was pitch black when we left the house, even at 6pm. We – myself and 3 of my boys – were on our way to watch the Lions roar tonight.

It was a very unfamiliar sight and sound, the whole experience felt strange. No more march from the Kallang Stadium, along with many other locals, strangers we call bros and sis, and uncles and aunties, because the MRT is now already right under the stadium’s nose. Haiyah, its already there at the stadium itself, lah.

Also, more of us would be taking the taxi or Grab, like me. Otherwise they would be driving, conveniently parked at the massive thousand lots covered parking space within the stadium itself.

The fact that it is no longer known as Kallang Stadium, but SportsHub itself is already a huge difference. It does not feel homely anymore, like you know, as how we would call it as our own place. Like how we remember Esplande for its Satay, East Coast for its Big Splash, and Kallang for its Stadium, because there was no other.

Maybe it is just me, lah. I’ve really turned old school already.

Back to the stadium, generally the crowd was orderly. The Kallang Wave Mall was buzzing with activities on every floor, everyone seemed to be making a beeline for any available food outlet. Weston Corp is a huge hit with the crowd, thank God it was spacious. It was a pit stop for your dreams as a football star, a few steps away from the grand stadium itself.

Back then, there was none of such. Maybe just a small merchandise stall within the stadium itself, otherwise the fans were all fully focused on the match, ready to literally shake the concrete structure of the stadium.

Then there was this very wide “welcoming arms” of steps leading up to the main gates. It was such a warm welcome, despite being all concrete, dull and cold.

I can still remember climbing up the narrow stairs, not even a peek of the interior until I was already at the last step when I would be awed by the view. Green patches of grass + Grey concrete + Red Running track. A gush of cold breeze would kiss my cheeks… ok I got carried away now.

Today, we seemed to forget that we were actually going to a stadium, because we had to pass by the rows of food outlets, shopping attractions and a conveniently located NTUC Fairprice in case you might need some eggs, rice cookers or detergents on your way home.

Getting past the counter, it was like being transported to another dimension, an almost similar scene at the airports minus the passports. There were no more pushing, squeezing, sweat smelling. Maybe it was not a full capacity crowd anyway, unlike those days.

We heard later through the PA that it was a little more than 18,000 of us who had watched the match. I told my boys that this was a pale shadow of the usual 40-50,000 turnouts in those days.

Took them quite some time to digest the numbers and imagine the crowd.

I had got ourselves decent seats, which would be impossible back then. I felt closer to the players, since the seats were not on an elevated platform. We were almost directly opposite gate 18, and it was quite a sum spent for the four of us. I did not mind, really. It shall be the best experience for the boys. At least they got to sit on the plastic foldable chairs, unlike the cold timber planks my skinny butt used to sit.

Not funny, when I was celebrating a goal, I jumped up, swung my jacket around and immediately sat back, only to scratch my back on the folded plastic chair. Ouch.

Anyway, getting the seats was the least of the problem. There were plenty of empty seats that we did not need to interrupt anyone else already seated. The bright lights of the stadium helps too – a LOT. No excuse to leave any bags around after the match.

Oh, and we would not know if it was raining outside because there is now a roof over the stadium! My mind was already thinking that there would be no excuse of “wind factor” if the strikers were to have a shot at goal.

Thankfully, the Lions did not disappoint. Fandi and his boys lived up to everyone’s expectations. In his own words;

“In our heart, we want to score at least four goals,” Fandi said on Tuesday. “It’s not impossible and we want to do the impossible. This game is a do-or-die mission and we need to win big.”

I was really, honestly doubtful and sceptical. We had just managed a 1-0 win over the Indonesians, and lost 0-1 to the Philippines. This is Timor Leste. Many many ranks below us. We had really struggled in the past even to lesser ranked teams.

And then we scored. 1-0 up within the 12th minute. We jumped from our seats. I felt like 18 all over again. I screamed and shouted and oh, Timor Leste just equalised one minute later.

What the… #keeperkatmana

We were already camping on their half, and by half time the scoreline was good enough to just end the match, 4-1.

During the break, I asked the boys to scramble up, beat the crowd to the drink stalls. No can do. The boys returned disappointed, the Q was unbelievable. Well, that was very expected. At least they could easily find their way back to the seats, unlike in those days where the wide corridors would be smoked out by the smokers during half time that you would actually lost track of the gate.

I was well aware that there would be no more hot crispy karipap with sambal making their way to me in those plastic baskets. Now at 3:00 am I’m craving for it! Damn it!

Second half started without much action, except for the Kallang Wave… which worked throughout for at least 2 rounds despite the empty seats on the East and West stands. Did they forget to stamp their feet while doing so?

There were some chances to get more goals, the bar was in the way once. The forwards seem to forget how to score suddenly. Or did the bookies said enough already?

Soon we were fast approaching the 80th minute. 81st, 82nd… nothing until 89th minute when Faris slotted one in. That was our 5th goal. The crowd went wild. I jumped and screamed till my throat went sore much to the amusement of the boys.

Unexpectedly, Safuwan sapu another late goal. A header. 6-1.

It was surely a night to remember. Absolutely. It did not matter who our opponent was. It was the team which had showed a glimpse of what the crowd was familiar to watch, an attacking football, with a calm composed back line with deadly set pieces. And some unacceptable annoying moments in the last third.

*image from FoxSports Singapore

Fact that Ikhsan Fandi got his goals, one with a bicycle kick some more, would make any father proud. As a Singapore’s favourite son, now his son doing what he used to do, spectacularly…. the whole nation would have felt the same level of pride.

My boys may not have been die hard football fans, I myself was not even close to be one, but at least I had done my part to introduce them to an unforgettable experience, by an unforgettable performance of the Lions.

Thank you. It was surely a night to remember.

#lifebeyondgrades

#lifebeyondgrades

For many of us, the children of the 80s, 90s and the pre-Internet year’s, there’s not much information / guides / 1 minute life hacks how to live a life beyond the PSLE grades.

We take one day at a time. Many times we proceed regardless of the grades because our parents said so. “Study hard. Get good grades. Be good adults.” Advices we got are too general.

Except those brought up with the rotan, the chubit, sepak terajang kinda life – they would have a more determined future perhaps an entirely different way how they approached life.

Still, regardless of the grade numbers – anyone would have either achieved so much or achieved nothing at all to be what they are presently.

Our next generation depends on our role as parents now, but which we would just turn out to be just how our parents had brought us up for our uncertain future.


Will resume after I got home.

Money Matters.

The following entry is done by a fellow photographer Friend, Nasz Ismail.


“Just an advice to everyone.

Know your priorities.

Sustain your “needs”.

Work hard for your “wants.”


Honestly I don’t like the feeling of being in debt.It lingers on my mind knowing that I have something that I’ve yet to settle.It can be something big down to the smallest littlest things be it handphone bills, season parking, vehicle loan or Netflix subscription (though is not that important) but knowing you have something to pay by certain date makes me feel restless but then again such things is your monthly commitment.Commitment to something that you have,it’s a “want” not a need.Certain things you can choose not to have but certain things like utility,it’s a need,else you will be living in the dark and taking your shower at the public pool.Food for yourself and family.Handphone bills,you choose to commit when you sign up for a 2 year plan and signed the contract.Same as owning a vehicle,you committed when you agreed with the seller the moment you sign a whole stack of papers (most of the time people don’t read when they see thousand words) There are clauses in every contract,if you don’t pay up there will be consequences.


Wedding,what’s your priority?

Let’s divide it,needs and wants.Kadi?You definitely Need.Venue?Yes you need a venue but you don’t need a fancy venue.Food?You have to serve your guest but know your Budget.Bridal,Photography/videography,decor etc.Do you need them?I would say,No.It’s not a requirement and it’s not a “need”.So when you decided to have them,just be sure you have enough to pay all of them.They work as hard as you to earn a living and to pay their needs,to run their business and feed their family.No amount is too small to be categorised as debt.$100 can be their “needs” to pay their bills or allowance to their children,food for their family.

Dear people,not all wedding vendors are out there to cheat your money.

90% are out there to earn a living and earn from passion or something that they think they are good with.Don’t let one rotten Apple spoil the entire barrel.There might be cases where vendors didn’t perform to your expectations,when that happens,please don’t entirely blame them.It was your decision to engage their service,you should be within that blame circle as well.You may want to viral it, creating “awareness” to others,it’s your decision.I’m sure it will spread like the wildfire in Amazon.

Now,what about people not making their payment promptly to their service providers.I’m sure there’s a whole lot out there but have you seen anything viral for such cases?With names mentioned and all the bombardment.I’ve yet to see any.Does it need to be viral?NO.It’s called,business etiquette.

So back to priorities.When it comes to planning your own wedding,or if you know anyone and they are seeking for your advice.Just keep in mind.

Spend only on the necessities,if you earn more and you know that you can afford,then Alhamdullilah.By all means,plan your wedding as how you have dreamt about it as a child.Spoil yourself,you earn it.

If you are struggling,keep it as simple as you can.

What matters most is the solemnisation.To have family members,relatives and close friends around you to witness it.You don’t have to show off to the entire world and spend on something that you can’t afford.If you have made that decision to engage any services,be sure to pay them promptly.If you feel and realised that you won’t have enough to pay them,you can decide to omit the “wants” and prioritise the “needs”.Be frank,(”I don’t think I will have enough to pay off your service thus I choose to omit,I sincerely apologise for any inconvenience caused”) It’s as simple as that,worse case scenario is that you won’t get back your deposit but your solemnisation goes on.That’s more important.Honestly you can have a wedding with a $50 baju kurung,spend a small amount for family members to cook and serve your guest at the comfort of your own home,have them as “Uncle bobs” with gazillion photos and record some video for you on your phone or theirs if you want to.You don’t need professional service providers if you can’t afford.Should you decide and choose to commit,be sure to settle the payments promptly.

Most of the time you will only make final payment to the media team upon deliverables,set aside the amount and make sure you have the payment in hand when the deliverables are ready.Don’t overspend on honeymoon or your new house.

Keep in mind that when you have a media team at your wedding,relatives and friends will tend to ask “where’s your photos/video?” “is it not ready yet?” “where’s the album?” “why is it taking so Long?” These are the common questions,be mindful of your words when answering these questions as it will reflect on your service providers.If you had not made the payment,be frank (“I have yet to make the payment”) Explain if the timeline given (“The agreement stated 40-60 working days mum,chill out”) If the timeline exceeded,get in touch with your service providers and ask,I’m sure they will have an explanation.If your provider goes missing,then you can start to worry.

To sum it up,everyone have a part to play.A commitment towards something.

Your service providers provide such service to earn a living.They have their priorities and needs as much as you do.Defaulting and delaying payments might affect their needs.

We all work to sustain our daily needs in this temporary world.Be sure to know your priorities,if you can’t afford something that you want,back off,sustain your “needs” and work harder for your “wants”

Have a great weekend


Its A WRAP!

2048-2

The never seem to end, finally ends.

This group, will be embarking on a new journey soon. I may not have contributed any part of this raw, unpolished, inexperienced individuals but they will be up on the runway again in January 2019, including those not in this image.

Its about opportunities.

Any given time, there will be opportunities knocking on our doors. Many times, we hesitate to open and let them in, fearing our own privacy and security. Many other times too, we could be too naive and perhaps with an easy come easy go attitude – we embraced opportunities like an old friend.

Which ever side of the fence you are, its your own faith, like your belief in religion. If you are the worry-some ones always fearful of this and that, then don’t take it up, and don’t influence others NOT to take it up, just because you are worried. If you can’t encourage, do NOT discourage. Do NOT feel discouraged either. Leave them with their choices. Each step is a lifetime learning experience, and they are prepared to face what comes may. You’re not. So hush…

Some opportunities appear to be equal, yet there could be more than meets the eye. It could be an open invitation to join a competition, yet for some they are facing tougher  times, no thanks to profiling and to some extent, racism “…because this is meant to be just for my community only.”

Frogs in a well, frogs in a coconut shell… don’t be a frog, can?


 

Meanwhile, there has been a quite a desperate need for local bridal houses looking for models both male and female. This has been nothing new. It has been so much about the “same old faces” year after year, well at least until they got married and settle down.

…and then who would take up these empty slots?


 

Yet whenever there are new faces around it has been just for that ONE time only, like a single track on radio – because scared, because Mom doesn’t allow, because “I have another job, you see…”

Yet whenever there are new faces around, there would be the instant head-to-toe assessment by you know who, who gives a straight F to the CMI face.

Step aside, if you’re not stepping up, else you’ll be step upon.


 

Naomi Osaka winning the US OPEN Final sums it up nicely – this was her ONE opportunity to win, and she delivered, fairly. She earned it, every strength of the serve.

She should not be bothered with the noise and drama afterwards.
Which side of the drama are you on?


 

What the Fik..?

Its the 9th September.

I’m supposed to have a daily entry here, but I guess the gears are still rusty (valid excuse here). Or maybe there isn’t anything to write about, but there should always be something to write about, sir.

Anyway, the Wife had her time out with the daughters in JB, and watched this Munafik2 –

‘Munafik 2’ dominates box office as it serves up scares… and record collections” 

and I was like, Wow, this must be really a good one, especially after rave reviews from FB friends. So I die-die have to watch myself. If you have not watched it, go spend your last $15, or just read on and spend it on Big Brother.

Spoiler alert. (Duh)

I try hard not to analyse too much, or think too much, and maybe I should even leave my brains elsewhere and soak in the entertainment. This is one of the many movies that left me with questions along the way. However, there are really some good scenes, and great acting by some characters.

Nur Zara Sofia – as Aina, Sakinah’s daughter. That’s quite a heavy role for someone so young maybe about 8-9 years old? – to be part of this movie at all. Already in the first scene, where the bed she was sleeping on moves about in the room. 

Afterwards being roughly handled by AbuJa, ready to be sacrificed, he was holding a scythe to her neck at some point. Damn… I confirm wet myself until no water come out.

Also witnessing her mother, Sakinah on a killing spree with an axe. Every guy standing in her path KO liao. I was expecting more blood with every slash, its a freaking axe! That did not happen, but the guys fell like dead flies.

And then her conversation with her mother… sounds too intelligent for someone so young, okay she’s just reading the given script, and then “…AbuJa is my father?” This part I also confused.


This particular village, in the middle of nowhere, accessible only by the river. Sakinah  and Aina collecting firewood… No electricity, so no lights at night. Still got such kampung house / village like that in Malaysia?

Okay, maybe its fictional, maybe to make it more scary, its a scary movie after all. Maybe I cannot relate lah, I’m an urban guy in Singapore. My apologies.


So this AbuJa is some “a man with misleading religious teachings” – I was not quite impressed, he looked very similar to Aladdin’s evil Jaafar, without his parrot. Good evil hoarse voice, but not quite clear how he mislead the village with his religious teachings, parts of the scenes, he compared himself with Adam, being more knowledgeable – and something like that, and that’s about it.

The village folks were seen to be chanting his name (is it?) while he stood there while soaking in the (power of) thunder and lightning as he introduced himself to us, the audience at his rundown temple like HQ.

FFWD to last scene; which ends at the same rundown temple, with the same lightning and thunder where his faithful followers scrambled in fear and / or died, while himself finally dead under a pile of rubble as his own rundown HQ collapsed onto him.

Eh?


Sakinah, (Maya Karin – I almost couldn’t recognise her!) whose dad was Imam Malik. She believed her dad wasn’t dead yet. Until Adam came along and did the ruqyah thingy.

Adam confirmed that Imam Malik had passed on, and then the trio left HER ALONE with the dead body in the middle of the night. Whaaaaaaaat?

But she seems so cool with it. Just zikir all night long.

TBH, I cringed at the scene when AbuJa asked his men to rape Sakinah. I thought that was very unnecessary, even without the actual scene, it could be still be done discreetly. No need to show taking off the men’s robes and all lah…

Still at the end of the ordeal, Sakinah’s Tudung was intact lah seh… ladies, please go ask what kinda Tudung + inner that can still maintain Swee Swee one.


It was said that AbuJa had some spell, or sent spirits to haunt her via the dead body – the IMAM’s dead body. As how my friend asked, “Imam and Ustaz can be easily possessed meh?” Yes, even Ustaz Adam was possessed – by GrabGhost – somehow the ghosts involved likes to grab every inch of the body of its victim. Pervert.

Coffin scene. Logically, you can never fit two bodies side by side in a normal coffin. Again, its my overworked brain. Just move along…


Ustaz Adam seemed to be “powerful enough” to heal by means of ruqyah. Yet he was possessed by AbuJa, TWICE and SOMEHOW Azhar managed to cure him the second time before he would hurt his own father. So Azhar had the same strength / capabilities as Ustaz Adam?


Dato’ Rahim Razali, as Ustaz Adam’s dad role was spot on. His voice, especially. I cannot think of any other fatherly figure to replace him in a similar role. I was even expecting him to have some “powers” as how his son did. Its ok, I was just glad he was not killed at the end of it, although he did kena hantam by the bad guys.


Finally, a quite disturbing ending scene (at least for me), where Adam was hoisted up the wall, with his hands tied to his back. He was wearing a white jubah, all bloodied after the fights with the bad guys. He did not appear to be crucified, but it can be misinterpreted as one. Especially when he was chanting prayers as the thunder rolled and lightning strikes.

Dramatic, I know. Or maybe its just my mind going off the cliff. But the resemblance was freakish.


It was enlightening whenever the characters recited some verses of the surah, and it was being reflected on screen. It surely takes a lot of effort on every character to recite those surahs carefully, accurately.


Overall, I don’t know what to make of this.

Munafiq or Munafik is a terminology in Islam which refers to those who pretend to follow religious teachings but actually do not admit it in his heart.

I cannot seem to fit this definition into the movie. Maybe you can explain.


3 / 5 stars

The first one

It has been a long long time since I last blogged. The next best effort is on Hundred.Prints. even that has been at most once per month. I really need to write, more.

Or rather, I NEED to trash out my inner thoughts onto something, somewhere, doesn’t matter if anyone reads it at all. It just has to be let out of my system.

Facebook, is not quite the perfect media, I have long accepted it as a form of daily dose of entertainment. The busy refreshing timeline gets me scrolling never ending, sharing news bits and humour, with my own daily crumbs.

Here, as many would agree, is my own personal space. I remembered a quote; “FB is a super highway of information, Twitter is the little lanes, Instagram is a thousand words in a box, but a blog is your universe.”

In fact that was how I started, at a time when everyone else busy with MySpace / Friendster what nots. If you had known me enough, I was posting almost daily on the now defunct multiply.com.

I feel free, yet I am aware of my own responsibility as a writer, that every word counts as a ripple through space – whatever space there is.

Entry ends here. Marbles won’t let me continue.